Running away...from myself

I was born a runner, whenever things don't go well i run, im forever craving a fresh start, to re-invent myself try a new lifestyle and be a brand new person and forget the old me... the thing about this is it never works, no matter how far i go 'myself' will always be there, and whatever im running away from will eventually catch up.

There was a time in my life when i felt empty, i felt like i didn't exist i was invincible. i didn't know who i was so much i wouldn't recognize myself in the mirror, it hurt so bad...

And then there was a time when i was numb, i didn't feel, i went with the flow i had a routine a cycle if you may school-work-shopping-clubbing-school. I didn't think much of anything and i didn't feel any sort of emotion towards anything. It got to me, i remember one day sitting on the stairs and realizing i haven't felt anything in a long time...i cried and then i thought how good it felt to cry.

 i found myself in fact i'm still finding out more about me, i'm not sure i'm liking it, i feel so weak so un-grounded, i feel like a child learning to walk and talk, i have no control of myself, i can't express myself in fact i'm not sure how to live on, whats right or whats wrong, it takes  me so long to process my feelings. I'm a wreck i don't know what i'm doing or what i'm saying all i know is i'm messing it up

.....................................................but i guess i should take comfort in knowing i have finally found myself.

And now i wanna run away from myself, i have packed my bags once again, despite having found good reasons for the move i know deep down its just me running away from myself, i feel like i haven't found what i was looking for when i came here, a fresh start.